on reality;

they say everything happens for a reason but i honestly cant find a logical reason this time. it seemed everything was going so well it was working out fine and we didnt need anything else. we would have pointless little fights and we'd both get so worked up over them even though we knew it'd be fine in the end. you know i only fought to see how hard you'd fight back. and i'd only say i'd leave to see how much you'd beg me to stay. you would always do your best to put a smile on my face and it almost always worked. you would try so hard and i'd shut you right down. now you hate me for it. i only did it to see if you'd think i was worth it. did you think i was worth being stepped on and kicked when you were down. of course not. maybe i thought too much of myself in those moments. but it was your fault for telling me i was better. so you see maybe its really your fault in the long run, although you blame it on me. maybe its your fault were fighting our last fight. and i dont think i can fix this one. you know i can easily act naive and act like nothing ever happened. i could easily forget every conversation, every i hate you, every im sorry. but i could never forget you. and it gets harder and harder because somehow i always see your face. and i really dont want to. you haunt me in my dreams, you just wont leave me alone. no matter how hard i try i just cant seem to shake you from my thoughts and its frightening. id give up everything for you, and i can see i already am. if only i had done this sooner.