creation vs. destruction;

and it gets harder and harder to get to sleep at night. sometimes all i wanna do is sit here and write. mostly about you, sometimes of her. mostly about you. and it gets smaller and smaller, the burden of carrying around these scars, they scare me, thats right, im worried, too. and all this matters so little to you. humpty dumpty, get all the men cause he'll never be whole again. and somehow the vine intertwined and made up our names to be read by everyone on earth. and i told you it felt like you'd put a knife to my throat in that moment when you begged me, "please dont go." what could i do? what could i say? all that was left was to push you away.
and it gets easier and easier to get to the point. get the words out, and youll sleep fine through the night. days go by quicker and nights drag on but its easy to tell when somethings wrong. but the scars have started to fade, and theyre not quite so bad. i have to admit, though. im still terrified. what would you have done if you didnt show up? if i hadnt screamed at you to call the cops? if i wasnt sent to the hospital, if i didnt get the stitches, where would i be if you didnt show up? and i told you it felt like you'd put a knife to my throat in that moment when you begged me, "please dont go." what could i do? what could i say? all that was left was to push you away.
and i was sent here to get help, but is it making it worse? all i keep repeating is that verse, that verse, that verse. i told you you're the only thing getting me through each day, but i wont lie about what im having to say: you arent the one, never were, never will be. but thats okay cause i swear im not even broken without you. i dont need you, i hate everything about you. but i love it too. and i told you it felt like you'd put a knife to my throat in that moment when you begged me, "please dont go." what could i do? what could i say? all that was left was to push you away.
and i swear its the last, and i swear ill do my best, work my hardest, ill forget about the monster under my bed shreiking our names and how perfect we would be, but i know differently. i never wouldve let it begin if i had know how it was going to end. and i told you it felt like you'd put a knife to my throat in that moment when you begged me, "please dont go." what could i do? what could i say? all that was left was to push you away.